Evon Davis

Why Everything Has Beauty In It

In A Separate Reality, don Juan says, “A warrior knows that her life will be over altogether too soon; she knows that she, as well as everybody else, is not going anywhere; she knows, because she sees, that nothing is more important than anything else.  Nothing being more important than anything else, she chooses any act, and acts it out as if it matters to her. Her controlled folly makes her say that what she does matters and makes her act as if it did, and yet she knows that it doesn’t; so when she fulfills her acts she retreats in peace, and whether her acts were good or bad, or worked or didn’t, is in no way part of her concern.

“But then if nothing really matters, as you ask me, how can I go on living?”

To understand what don Juan is saying here, it’s important to remember that he always says a warrior has unbending intent.  So the paradox is that we commit to an act with unbending intent, and yet at the same time are completely unattached to the outcome.

How can that be?

It is so, because when you know that you are mortal, you don’t have time to waste on self-pity, self-doubt, or regret.  A warrior cannot waste time on those things.  As long as you commit to your acts with unbending intent, that’s all that matters.  There is no such thing as a bad outcome or a failure.

A warrior is fully present in each moment and sees the beauty in that moment, whether you are picking up scrap metal or making fudge, it’s the act of being fully present that makes it successful, not the financial outcome.  A warrior makes the decision to do what he’s doing and he lets go of any doubts that he should be doing something different; he lets go of regrets about what he is not doing.  Life is too short for doubt or regret.

A warrior works as hard as she can for what she wants and if she doesn’t get it, she looks instead upon the beauty in what she has:  her freedom, a friend, the chance to make a new start with no personal history, setting upon a journey of discovery, creating the distance necessary to feel desire, a return to innocence.

When all outcomes are equal, the warrior is lusty for life.  There’s so much at the banquet.  A warrior never goes hungry.

A friend took me to the Dharma Punx meditation on Friday night a week ago and now I’m totally hooked!

Ever since August 1st, I’ve been on an incredible journey of transformation (of course, I’ve probably said this a million other times in my life), but this time I’m serious!

Maybe I’m just astounded that one human being can continually shed her old self and be transformed.  I am so grateful to Pluto in Capricorn, Uranus in Aries, and Saturn in Libra.  Even though these planets have been squaring and opposing each other since 2008, they have pushed me to become my True Self and live my True Destiny.

On top of that, on August 1st, I had a progressed New Moon in my 8th house of karma and deep psychological transformation while the transiting New Moon was in Leo, my 2nd house of self-worth and personal assets, and my solar 9th house of consciousness expansion.

This past Friday night I went to the meditation again.  We did sitting meditation for 30 minutes, then Tony gave a talk on the 2nd Noble Truth which is about craving.  I remember craving something on the 19th of September.

But this is what shows me how far I’ve come.  I was able to let go of my craving so quickly and easily.  I didn’t even struggle to let it go.  It just evaporated.

There is an antidote to craving.  I call it “Being Connected to Abundance.”  When you’re connected to Abundance, you are fully in the present moment, swimming in the Abundant Universe.  There is no lack, only fullness and lushness.

I couldn’t have what I wanted in that moment, and yet I reveled in my Desire, my Craving, My Passion.  I was in love.

In THIS moment, there are other people and things to love.   I will partake in today’s Banquet and drink in fully the Abundant lushness of THIS moment.

In creative writing we often set limitations for ourselves in order to open up new pathways to creativity that might not otherwise be explored.  This can often lead to some of the most amazing and beautiful prose, not to mention new pathways for the story.

I’m beginning to see that this is true in all areas of life.  It’s during times of limitation, challenge, and adversity that we learn the most, and it is also during these times that we find the deepest reservoir of strength within. Once you fully realize what you’re capable of doing, and the full extent of the strength you possess, you will know you can rely on yourself in times of need. You will be forever stronger for having experienced the limitation.

When something in your life is limited or taken away from you, your imagination can take flight. No one can rein in your mind (unless you let them). The greater the limitation, the more your mind can be set free to explore new pathways. What you are today is in part due to those limitations. This is when your character is honed and exceptional personal growth occurs.

The warrior embraces struggle, challenges, change, and limitation.  If she does not have a challenge, she seeks one out.

Don Juan said that a warrior is grateful for a petty tyrant because the challenge leads to sublime states of consciousness and impeccability for the warrior.  I’ve come to realize that a petty tyrant can be a person or a situation.  It is simply any kind of challenge, regardless of the form it takes.

Having experienced many limitations, struggles, and challenges in my life, including now, I’m able to reap the rewards of a lush life.  I have learned to stay connected to Abundance, trust Providence, and be guided by Spirit.  Walking to a local theater last night in a lush city and watching a film about Paris, another lush city I had the good fortune to live in one summer, I was in that sublime state of consciousness, rapturous, nearly overwhelmed by the lushness of life.  And all because of the limitations that opened new pathways.

Today I’m reading Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert Heinlein.  I read it when I was about 20 and have wanted to read it again for ages, but finally got a bug up my butt yesterday and went to the bookstore and bought a paperback copy.  I haven’t been able to put it down since.

This brings up the topic of money, of which there was no Martian equivalent; a perspective I admire immensely.  Those who know me, know that I have mixed feelings about money.  I wrote a blog called “Money, the Greatest Hoax Ever Perpetrated on Humankind.”  http://evondavis.com/blog2/2010/11/17/money-the-greatest-hoax-ever-perpetrated-on-humankind/

I call it that because it’s a mental straight-jacket.  Yet at the same time, virtually everyone believes in it, so you have to walk around as if you’re wearing that mental straight-jacket, whether you are or not.  In other words, you have to act like you believe in it, even if you don’t.  Just like an African bushman can’t walk around New York City without his clothes on, whether he believes in wearing clothes or not.

Fortunately, don Juan taught Castaneda a concept called “Controlled Folly” in which you play a role as if it were real.  The trick is to play the role without becoming lost and imprisoned by it.

What I mean by being “straight-jacketed” is that we’ve been imprisoned by our beliefs because in this system we are taught to believe that we HAVE TO sell our labor for money in order to survive.  But if people could see through the beliefs that have been fed to them since birth, they’d see that it’s not true.  It’s a choice.  People choose what they want to believe and then reinforce each other in their beliefs.  Then, because it’s what everyone believes, we have to play along with it.  Controlled folly is a way of turning it into a game.  This keeps our minds free, while on the outside, we pretend to take the game seriously.

I’m starting to put my belief more in Spirit than in Money.  Who could have predicted that I would be able to leave CBS and follow my heart for the past two years?  I had a little savings and a lot of faith.  I believe it’s the faith that’s gotten me this far.  Without it, I never would have been able to overcome my fears in order to listen to my heart.  Some would call it coincidence — that I’ve not only survived, but thrived.  I don’t believe it’s random.  And there was no way to predict it with logic before the fact.  That’s what I call magic.

But I admit, I haven’t completely shifted alliances… still seem to need money to pay car insurance, phone bill, website hosting bill, gas, groceries, etc.  So in 2011, I will play this game called “Controlled Folly” and see where Spirit leads me.  I will play the game as if I really believe in it, as if I were really wearing the mental straight-jacket.  Inside I’ll know the truth — that it’s just a game.  If I took it seriously, I fear I’d become depressed, or at least as neurotic and stressed out as most people find themselves.

I’ve been devouring Carlos Castaneda’s books again.  They definitely teach a path toward power if one is willing to take it serious, study, pay attention, and put it into practice. 

I’ve come to the conclusion that for me being an impeccable warrior-sorceress is more important than anything else I could possibly do in my life, because it directs and oversees everything else. 

For example, writing can become a warrior-sorcerer’s discipline, which makes the writing practice more powerful, but it doesn’t work the other way around.  If you make writing the higher priority, it diminishes what can be gained from the practice of sorcery, which in turn probably diminishes the writing practice.

Don Juan said, “A warrior takes his lot, whatever it may be, and accepts it in ultimate humbleness.  He accepts in humbleness what he is, not as grounds for regret but as a living challenge.  It takes time for every one of us to understand that point and fully live it.”  (Tales of Power, page 19)

This passage felt relevant to me this evening.  I’m sitting at a friend’s house on the south side of town waiting to pick up my daughter at 9:00pm.  My friend’s home is beautiful, but I’m cold (I’m always cold) and I’m tired, looking forward to getting home so I can go into my bedroom, turn on the radiator, crawl into bed, and fall asleep.  How lovely that would be.

But that’s not my lot at the moment.  I’ve been thinking lately of the winter cold as warrior’s training.  An impeccable warrior doesn’t complain; she accepts her lot in all humbleness.  I think there are a few reasons for this.  One is that complaining does no good.  It only drains us of energy.  It’s less energy- consuming to be at peace. 

Another is that an impeccable warrior is always conscious not to take anything for granted.  I am so blessed.  How could I possibly complain? 

Finally, to accept the present reality helps us to become stronger.  It’s not about being a prisoner.  It’s about being free.  I am free to be here or leave.  If I choose to stay, then I take full responsibility for that.  There is no room left for complaining. 

“To change our idea of the world is the crux of sorcery.” (Tales of Power, page 13)

When we change our idea of the world, we change ourselves.  And when we change ourselves, we change our idea of the world.

He also said, “If one is to succeed in anything, the success must come gently, with a great deal of effort but with no stress or obession.” (Tales of Power, page 12)

I remind myself of this as I work through the revisions of my latest novel.  Obviously I want to be finished, so when I get feedback saying that I need to work on the relationship between my main character, Trinity, and her mentor, Artemis, I feel frustrated because I think it’s fine the way it is.  Am I missing something?  If so, what is it, and why can’t I see it?  Am I blind to my own writing or does the reader just not get the relationship I’m trying to create?  (I was going for the sort of feeling like that between Ged and Arren in The Farthest Shore by Ursula K. LeGuin). 

So it’s back to the basics.  I need to read The Farthest Shore again while reading my own manuscript and see if I got the feeling I was striving for.  Even so, it’s possible it could be better.  I just need to be patient, put in a great deal of effort, and not get stressed out or obsess about it.  That’s how an impeccable warrior moves through her world. 

For more on The Warrior-Goddess Chronicles, please visit: http://www.thewarrior-goddess.blogspot.com/

NaNoWriMo has been such an incredible experience. There are only 5 days left and I’m on target to finish on time. I’m 42,500 words into the new book, so only need another 7,500 to finish.

Yesterday I went to 24-Hour Fitness and I was reading Tales of Power by Castaneda. I like to read something thought-provoking while working out; otherwise it’s kind of boring. Anyway, don Juan said to be a warrior, “You must push yourself beyond your limits all the time.” Castaneda said that was “insane.” But don Juan said, “There are lots of things that you do now which would have seemed insane to you ten years ago. Those things themselves did not change, but your idea of yourself changed; what was impossible before is perfectly possible now.”

It struck me how true that is. This writing marathon has really shown me something about myself that I wouldn’t have believed even a year ago. I suppose I had enough belief in myself at the beginning of the month to commit myself to writing a 50,000-word novel in 30 days. But it’s only now on the 25th day, five days to go and I’m on target to finish, that I know I was capable to doing it.

Now it makes me curious. Well, if I could do that, what else could I do? Then I started thinking back on things I’ve done, that at one time I didn’t believe I was capable of, but it turns out I was. Not sure what I’ll do next, but it’s got me thinking about it.

Don Juan said, “To seek the perfection of the warrior’s spirit is the only task worthy of our [humanity].”

Ever since I was introduced to Castaneda’s books in 2007, I’ve been searching for don Juan in the flesh.  Not that I expect to find the original don Juan.  Even Castaneda said he had left this world. 

I’m seeking someone who embodies don Juan’s philosophy.  I have a friend who comes pretty close – the one who told me to read the books – as close as I’ve come so far.  But I am in awe of don Juan’s total devotion to being a warrior-sorcerer.  I imagine I will walk that path some day. 

Even now I strive to practice the tenets of his philosophy, though I am a far cry from “the perfection of the warrior’s spirit.” 

I often think, “If only I had a don Juan in my life, I could perfect my warrior’s spirit,” but I know that’s just me being self-indulgent and irresponsible.  It’s no one else’s task to perfect my warrior’s spirit, only mine.  So I make due the best I can.

My only access to don Juan (that I know of) is through Castaneda’s books and my imagination.  I first read all of his books in 2007.  Then, when I went to England in the summer of 2008, I stuffed as many of his paperbacks into my backpack as I could carry, along with a journal, and I made a discipline of reading from them every morning and writing about the lesson I was learning each day. 

In the novels I write, a mentor always shows up who embodies the spirit of don Juan.  For me, this is one way I make him real in my life.  My main character always represents some aspect of myself, so if I have a fear or a problem, I might give that to my character (though it may take a very different form, in its essence, it’s the same), then the mentor helps the character find courage and strength or some other solution. 

I tell myself that either way, whether I were walking in the Sonoran desert chaparral with don Juan beside me, or hiking in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains with a paperback and my imagination to accompany me, either way, living this path is difficult… but well worth it.  Perhaps what I gain this way is that I must internalize the teachings.  I cannot keep them outside of me, running to don Juan when I don’t know how to make it work.  I have to strive harder to figure it out for myself.

As I mentioned, in the past, I have developed a discipline of reading from one of Castaneda’s books in the morning, then writing about the lesson I’m learning that day.  I have tried blogging about it daily as well, so I might try to pick up that practice again as a way of disciplining myself to focus on the lessons daily.

In the introduction to Journey to Ixtlan, Carlos Castaneda wrote, “For the purpose of presenting my argument I must first explain the basic premise of sorcery as don Juan presented it to me.  He said that for a sorcerer, the world of everyday life is not real, or out there, as we believe it is.  For a sorcerer, reality, or the world we all know, is only a description.”

It seems to me like writers would get this better than anyone else.  That’s why I think of myself as a warrior-sorcerer, like don Juan, because that’s the philosophy I live by, or sometimes as a writer-sorcerer, because I think when we write, we create reality.  That’s magic.

Writers create reality by describing it, even if they are just making it up in their minds.  They are shaping reality.  Science-fiction often describes what our reality will become in the future and then we watch it unfold.

But I need to remind myself of this when I am fearful.  Whatever I am afraid of is not real, or out there, as I believe it is.  It’s only a scary story.