Sometimes feelings of fear come up when I think about moving to L.A., but there’s also a part of me that knows it’s not really a choice. I cannot bear to spend another winter in Denver. I cannot withstand the boredom of just surviving. I need adventure, excitement, and novelty in my life.
Moving to L.A. means stepping into a big Unknown. Of course that brings up feelings of fear, but I weigh it against staying in Denver and it tempers the fear. I know this is something I need to do no matter how it all turns out.
In A Separate Reality, don Juan taught Castaneda about controlled folly, saying, “Nothing being more important than anything else, a warrior chooses any act, and acts it out as if it mattered. Her controlled folly makes her say that what she does matters and makes her act as if it did, and yet she knows that it doesn’t; so when she fulfills her acts, she retreats in peace, and whether her acts were good or bad, or worked or didn’t, is in no way part of her concern.”
I don’t want to make this move about success or failure. I want to go into this experience with the warrior’s attitude. A warrior takes action for its own sake. For a warrior, all outcomes are equal. All outcomes have power in them. There is no blessing and no curse, only challenges from which to learn, grow, and empower oneself.
In a competitive, creative industry like film and television, this becomes even more important. Having spent years writing novels, sending out submissions, and receiving rejection letters, I know how important it is to let go of the outcome.
I’m currently reading Rob Lowe’s memoir, Stories I Only Tell My Friends. He talks about his first major film role in The Outsiders. His character was almost completely cut from the final version. He described it as a humiliating event that took 25 years to get over.
From the perspective of someone working a 9-5 receptionist job for $13 an hour, it seems minor compared to the benefits of a movie career, but I’m sure for him it was intensely painful. It’s easy to understand why he was so devastated by the experience, but also why it’s important to stay grounded and detached.
No matter where we are in life, or what challenges we face, taking the attitude of a warrior always empowers us.