If I were to sum up everything I’ve ever read or heard from others about what is the most attractive quality we see in another person, the most common answer is “confidence.” And one of the least attractive qualities is “neediness.” So how does a person overcome neediness and develop confidence?
Well, there are many ways to answer this question, but today I’m going to answer it by focusing on the Star card in the Major Arcana of the Tarot. The Star represents part of our spiritual journey. It is the stage of life in which we get in touch with our calling in life and pursue it. The Star is a guiding light, and like the story of the Three Magi, a star is a beacon that leads us to our goal or our fulfillment.
When we meet someone who has a clear sense of who he is, or who she is, that person radiates an energy that is magnetic. Why is that? It’s because they are grounded in their own autonomy. They know who they are and what they want. They are independent and self-sufficient.
On the other hand, someone who is needy seems lost. One might say, they appear to be unhinged. They don’t have a strong sense of self or a calling. They are, in a way, parasitic because rather than discover and follow their own calling, their own bliss, they try to find it solely in relationship with another.
Obviously relating to others, falling in love, and bonding with others is good, but we still need a strong sense of self and purpose in life that is ours alone. This is what grounds us in autonomy and gives us a strong sense of purpose, and this in turns builds confidence.