Yesterday I had Pluto opposite my Ascendant. I remember mentioning it to a friend one day when we were at Fluid. It was snowing. I mentioned that I had this major alignment coming up related to self-empowerment and I planned to get an A+. Well, the day came and went.
It was Hell. Maybe not surprising. Pluto is the ruler of the Underworld (aka Hell). Life felt so flat, dull, boring, and meaningless. I slept through most of it. Couldn’t motivate myself to do anything. Had no inspiration. Was full of insecurity, self-doubt, self-hatred.
I tried to read several different books, but they all felt meaningless. Even Tama Kieves’ book, This Time I Dance. I went for a walk in the park. That was the only part of the day that really felt good. My roommate made dinner in the evening. I called a couple of people to see how they were doing. Then I went to bed.
I now have first-hand experience of Pluto opposite the Ascendant. All the demons came to visit. It’s retrograde, so when it goes direct, it will pass my Ascendant again on November 17th. Same day as the full moon. I’ll need to prepare myself. The universe is testing me.
So this is what to expect when Pluto is opposite your natal Sun or Ascendant. I was looking for more information and found this:
“This transit challenges your self-image and sense of purpose. You may be in a funk or else itching to fight your way out of the hole you’re in — probably a little of both. Since the Sun rules the person in charge, you may be under considerable stress.” The Ascendant rules the self-image, so Pluto opposite the Sun or Ascendant has a similar effect.
I’ve got 2 months to prepare for my next Pluto opposition. So we’ll see how I do on my final exam. If you’re hit by a Pluto opposition unawares, it could really knock you over.
Anyway, a couple of thoughts came to me…. I don’t think it’s good for me to be living with my roommate. I’m stuck in a baby-daddy relationship. He cares about me and wants to be helpful, but there’s a price to pay when things are too easy. I got my bank statement yesterday and looked at it. It confirmed what I thought. I need to double my income so I can afford my own apartment. I kept hearing a little voice in my head saying, “I’m not supposed to be here.” But my mood was so apathetic, I couldn’t trust my own judgment.
This morning it was much clearer. It was telling me, “Life requires challenge in order to grow and evolve. You need to challenge yourself. You’re choosing the path of least resistance out of fear.”
It’s harder to see how fear controls my life when I’m comfortable. I understand when I’m not comfortable, but I’m misinterpreting comfortable as successful. And they are not the same thing.
Fortunately today feels very different. I want to come up with some very specific goals and time frames. One goal is to double my income by a certain date. Increase workshop enrollments. Increase traffic to my website. Increase conversion. Set deadlines for getting my books finished and published.
I’m ready to get serious about this!